I’M PREGNANT!!!

Yes, yes, if you follow me on Instagram this is old news. But I‘m pretty sure this is the first time I’m actually typing this out... I’M PREGNANT!!!

It is so unreal and exciting to be able to yell this from the rooftops and actually sit down and speak with you about it!  I still have days of disbelief...that is, until then baby kicks the sh*t out of my insides lol

I have a lot to discuss on this topic and I’m not quite sure where to start (trust me when I say this was quite a journey for Jamie & I to get here) but I do know that I’m ready to finally start peeling back the layers and getting into the nitty gritty with you!

So grab a drink, and maybe a snack too, because this post is going to be a long one...

WHAT EVERYONE ALWAYS WANTS TO KNOW...

As of today I am 24 weeks & 5 days pregnant.  And I’m due April 1st, 2020!  I originally hated that the baby’s potential birthday would be on April fools, but now I actually think that would be really cool.  That is, if the baby even arrives on time LOL.

And yes, I do know the baby’s gender & promise to announce it soon! 

HOW & WHEN I FOUND OUT...

This pregnancy was anything but a surprise.  Jamie and I planned, and tried, and failed to get pregnant for a year - a year to the month actually.  I’ll save all the trials and tribulations of conceiving for another post but let me tell you it was not easy for me.

Now fast forward to July 2019, or I guess in this case, back track to July.  We were packing for our yearly anniversary trip, this time to Sardinia and to parts of Italy Jamie & I hadn’t been to.  Right before we zipped up our luggage I ran into the bathroom and grabbed some tampons and panty liners.  Jamie looked puzzled and stated “I thought you’re not supposed to get your period on this trip.”  And he was right, but I just rolled my eyes and said “well you just never know with my body.”  And that’s basically what it had been like for me since getting off of birth control 3 years prior.  For years I had a chemically induced period that always came on time.  But as soon as I went off the pill I wouldn’t be able to tell you when I would get the next period, it was so irregular and painful and annoying.

So here we were, galavanting throughout Sardinia and Italy, drinking, eating and having the time of our lives.  The last thing that was on my mind (even after 12 months of actively trying) is that I was about to become pregnant and/or had already conceived.

About 2-3 days before our trip came to an end my boobs started to become sore and I told Jamie in excitement and he basically said don't get excited your boobs get sore right before you get your period.  And he was right.  So I brushed it off and didn’t think much about it again.  And then later that same day I got super hormonal and, well, bitchy, and I remember finally heading to dinner and apologizing to Jamie for going off on him and saying I guess you were right, I’m probably going to get my period soon.

We finished the 2-week trip and landed home on Sunday, July 21st sans my period.  The next morning I woke up and told Jamie, I think I’m pregnant.  And even though there was a few months of me being hopeful and taking pregnancy tests within those 12 months of trying, I had only actually thought and said that I thought I was pregnant once before in the past year.  But, and even though my period was never on time, I still wasn’t technically due to get it until Thursday July 25th.  So Jamie being the rational and logical person he is, again told me not to get excited because we’ve been disappointed before and to just wait until my period was supposed to come before I even thought about taking a test.  And so I promised him I wouldn’t take a test before Thursday and I wouldn’t do it without him there.

I know his reaction may seem a little harsh to some, but I spent the greater amount of the previous year crying every time I would see blood on my underwear (sorry if that’s TMI), so he was just genuinely trying to save me from yet another heartbreak.

And so I waited.  Monday finished and still no blood.  Tuesday came and went and still no blood.  Wednesday came and (again sorry for the TMI) anytime I felt some kind of wetness in my underwear my heart would sink and I would immediately start tearing up as I ran into the bathroom expecting to see blood, but yet nothing.  These few days were so weird because I was trying to stay excited and positive and I just felt like I knew I was pregnant yet I had been disappointed month after month that I almost didn’t expect to be pregnant.

And so Thursday came.  And at this point it was just weird that I hadn’t gotten my period because even though my cycle was so irregular it was always early so it was almost like my period was late even though that was the day I was supposed to be getting it.  And so I played the same game I played on Wednesday and ran to the bathroom every time I thought I started my period, felt a cramp, anything, just expecting to see blood but still nothing...

So Jamie finally got home Thursday night and I told home that I still had not gotten my period and that I wanted to take a pregnancy test. He still wanted to wait, bless his soul, not knowing I could have technically taken the pregnancy test 5 days before my missed period lol.  I told him I’m not waiting any longer and that I would go buy a pregnancy test tomorrow and take the test.  So I made him promise that if he wanted to be there for the test he had to come home right after work because I couldn’t wait all day Friday.

So finally, it was about 3:30 pm on Friday, July 26th 2019, and Jamie got home.  I peed on the test, turned it upside down and started pacing around the apartment.  I vlogged this whole thing so I’ll post it on YouTube soon!

Literally those 2 minutes of waiting felt like a lifetime.  I think I was more nervous for these results than I was for the results of the CA state bar exam! 

And boom, we flipped the test around and it said PREGNANT!  And just like that, our entire lives changed and we were about to become parents!!  And I started to cry my eyes out.

LEADING UP TO FINDING OUT...

During the trip & once we got home some weird things & coincidental pregnancy like symptoms were happening so while we’re on the topic of finding out I’m just going to quickly go through them.

Like I said, we were in Italy and living our best lives and even though I was drinking here and there I wasn’t really having much alcohol. I would have maybe 2-3 drinks throughout the day/night in total.  I know that can sound like a lot but that’s on the low end for me especially while being on vacation.  It was strange because it wasn’t like those 2 drinks would make me drunk and I would tap out, I just didn’t want to drink.  We were with another couple and I remember looking at Jamie and our 2 friends drinking at the beach, drinking at lunch, drinking at dinner, and just thinking I want to drink and stay out and dance and drink some more, but I literally couldn’t get my self to do.  Like I was so turned off by the idea of drinking that sometimes I was forcing those 2-3 drinks down my throat.

My food aversions also started on this trip but I didn’t really realize it and piece that together until much later.  I love seafood and Sardinia is known for their seafood and yet the last thing I wanted during this trip... you guessed it, was seafood.  I thought maybe I was just calamari’d out a few days in, but now looking back I realize it was just my food aversions starting (I can still barely stand the smell, sight and taste of fish at 24 weeks pregnant).

Also during Sardinia there was a night I became violently ill.  It was about 4 days into the trip and we spent the day at the beach and I again did not drink.  That evening we went to Phi Beach for dinner and a night out.  So many people had recommended Phi Beach to us and it’s honestly worth the hype.  It’s overlooking the beach and if you go for dinner, especially during sunset time, you will not be disappointed.  People are already there drinking and dancing and having the time of their life during dinner time (I’m convinced the partying just goes on all day and night here) but once it got dark out it was LIT.  I decided I wanted to drink that night and dance my ass off so I skipped on the rosé, my usual summer vacation drink of choice, and went straight for the tequila soda with lime.  I only had 2 drinks and I felt out of my mind, but in a good way.  I had a third one in my hand but just couldn’t get myself to drink it so I passed it off to Jamie.  It was about 1 am and we decided to leave and head to some club that was in the hills and looked like it had been carved out of the stones and rocks.  I forget the name of it but I remember the hotel showing it to us and it looked so cool.  Apparently the clubs don’t get good till like 2 am so we decided to end our night there.  As soon as we arrived my girlfriend and I got in line and Jamie and his friend when to the front to see how much a table was and this is when I started feeling sick AF.  When the guys came back I couldn’t hear anything they were saying and could barely see straight.  I just remember telling Jamie we aren’t waiting in line and we aren’t paying for a table.  It’s not worth it.  I don’t feel good.  I’m leaving.

I started to walk away because I needed to find a secluded place to vomit and so I did.  And I could not stop.  Jamie bought me fries to soak up the alcohol.  Vomit.  Gave me water.  Vomit.  We took a cab back to our hotel.  Vomit (in the front of our hotel, I couldn’t even hold it until we got to our room, I felt sooo bad).  Finally we were in our room and vomit, vomit, vomit.  Jamie tried giving me food, water, chamomile tea, etc but if I took a sip of anything, looked at bread, you guessed it, vomit.  It got to the point that Jamie was shocked and worried and couldn’t sleep because he said he kept looking over and checking to make sure I was breathing.  I only share this *pretty disgusting* story because I’ve never become that sick from alcohol in my 31 years, especially considering it was only 2 drinks.  And everything we ate that day and night was family style so it couldn’t have been the food considering we all ate the same thing and no one else got sick.  I just genuinely believe I was pregnant at this point and my body was trying to dispense of any toxicity that could affect implantation/the soon to be baby.

I also couldn’t hold my breath for a long time.  I know this one is random but Jamie and I are very competitive people, with ourselves, each other and people in general.  But the one thing he always gives me credit for is my ability to hold my breath under water while swimming laps.  Like I can easily go back and forth twice in an Olympic sized pool yet I struggled to hold my breath long enough to touch the bottom of the ocean when we were only about 7-10 feet deep.

In addition to the above, the sore boobs, and my one mood swing that I thought was PMS, I was also soooo tired.  I just couldn’t get enough sleep on this trip and would nap almost daily on the beach (and napping, until now, was a rarity for me)!

KEEPING IT A SECRET...

So we basically knew at 4 weeks in that we were pregnant.  Didn’t have our first doctor’s appointment until 7 weeks in - and let me tell ya, those 3 weeks of waiting to make sure you’re pregnant, that there’s a heartbeat, and what skincare I could still use were rough!  And yet, we didn’t tell 99% of the people in our lives, family included, that we were expecting until 14 weeks pregnant! This was one of the hardest secrets I have ever had to keep.  Not only was it hard to keep this secret from friends and family that you see and talk to daily, partly because you’re excited and partly because you’re trying to hide the fact that everything makes you sick to your stomach.  But believe it or not, it was really hard to keep it a secret from you all.  I have a small, yet extremely loving, supportive and loyal community that I’ve built via social media and after being off the pill for 3 years and actively trying for a year, all I wanted to do was share the news with you too.

But there were a lot of things that happened that stopped me and honestly, scared me, from sharing.  I’ll get into the specifics of everything that I did leading up to getting pregnant, my first trimester sickness and heartbreak, and everything in between and since then in coming posts.

I, by no means, mean to make my social channels or this blog a mommy blog but what I love to share is my life, and well, this is a big part of my life.  Plus with everything I’ve gone through it might shed some light on topics no one seems to talk about, and just maybe, my story can help other women out there.  But until the next post let’s just celebrate the fact that I’m fucking pregnant!  Holy shit, I’M ABOUT TO BECOME A MOM!!