My Journey to Pregnancy...

3 years of marriage. 12 months of actively trying to conceive. Here is my story...my journey to pregnancy. 

I went off of birth control in July 2016. We didn’t start actively trying until July 2018. And didn’t get pregnant until July 2019. 

The two years I was off of birth control I didn’t think too much about why I hadn’t gotten pregnant because I wasn’t mentally at that point. And the one time it was brought to my attention that it’s been two years & I’ve had no accidents, I brushed it off and said we were being really careful. And we were. But turns out it’s actually a lot harder to get pregnant than they make it seem like in middle school sex ed. 

Now let’s back up for a bit. Jamie and I started dating in July 2010 (yes, ironically July has become somewhat of an import month for us haha) and I have basically been on and off birth control since that point. I’m not a big fan of taking pills so every 6 months or so I would go off and just give my body a break. In June 2016 I had ran out of the birth control pills and prescription and considering it was about a week from my wedding, the last thing I had time for was going in for my annual with my Gyno just to get a refill on my prescription just to go to the pharmacy to, well, you get the drift. This was especially so considering I was still working 60 plus hours a week as an attorney. 

Luckily my sister and I were taking the exact same prescription, dosage, etc., so I was able to take one of her extra monthly packs. Remember when I stated in my PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT POST that I have the most irregular cycle of my life? Well, that has always been the case. Ever since I got my period when I was 12 (or however the hell old I was). So between the irregular cycle, not having the chemically induced hormones to tell my body when I should and should not be on my period, and the stresses that come with it being the week before your wedding, I knew if I didn’t get my hands on my sisters pills (now I sound like a drug addict lol) then I would have the unfortunate luck of getting my period on/having it during my wedding. AND THERE WAS NO CHANCE IN HELL I WOULD LET THAT HAPPEN! Imagine, having to change your tampons while taking pics, before the ceremony, during the reception...FUCK THAT. 

So July 3, 2016 came. It was my wedding day! I had been taking my birth control (thanks sis!) and all was well in the world. Come late July and I ran out of the pack of birth control my sis gave me. I decided I had been on birth control for the majority of the past decade and even though I was no where near ready to be a mom, I figured my body needed a break and if an accident happened then YOLO, at least we’re married. 

But 2 years went by. And even though we were being careful, no accidents or close calls. 

So now it’s July 2018 and we officially started trying for our baby (this is obviously post months of discussions and deciding we’re ready for this chapter in our lives). Jamie & I naively both thought this would happen rather quickly. Like the first or second month. HAH. I guess we should have taken those 2 years sans birth control as a fucking clue but whatever. So you can imagine how surprised I was in July, August and Septemberrrrrr when I got my period. 

At this point I started to freak out a bit. But I kept being assured that it’s all about timing, making sure I don’t think/stress too much about it and just keep trying. But I’m Type A and OCD and I didn’t want it to be a guessing game every month so I decided to hop on Amazon and buy some ovulation testing strips. I figured this wasn’t that crazy of me. Through the little research I had done I realized that there was only 2-3 days out of the entire month you could get pregnant and so I just wanted to know what those days were. That’s logical, right? 

So thanks to amazon prime those test strips came 2 days later & I started using them per their instructions. Waking up every morning and peeing on a pee stick from the day of my cycle the instructions told me to until it showed it was baby making time. 

Around this time I also started keeping track of my temperature. I didn’t really understand why this was important which is kinda laughable now when I think about how I would also do this every morning, EVERY DAY. But basically the reason you do this is because your body will jump up in temperature when it’s ovulating. And if you track it long enough you’ll be able to predict what day(s) of your cycle you’re ovulating. I found this out about 2 months later and continued charting it for months but I genuinely don’t think you need to do this and the ovulation pee strips. 

I continued using the ovulation testing kit and taking my temperature for months to no avail. So when New Years 2019 came and went I realized I couldn’t wait another 6 months before meeting with my OB to discuss why I wasn’t getting pregnant (at this point we had been trying for 6 months and the ACOG doesn’t consider you being fertility challenged until a year in). So I said to hell with it and I made an appointment with my OB and went in and discussed all things baby making. Luckily he was willing to meet with me, calm me down and talk to me about everything that has happened thus far and how we can game plan moving forward. 

And basically the game plan was to start with the least invasive and intrusive tests and work our way up if need be. And to cut to the chase...it was all needed. We started out with blood tests, pap smears, monthly ultrasounds (to make sure I was actually ovulating and releasing an egg every month), and so forth. And each and every time everything came back healthy and normal. I was always relieved knowing that everything was normal but also frustrated. I almost wanted to be able to find something wrong so we had something to fix. When there is nothing wrong, there is nothing to fix and so you quite literally have no idea why you’re unable to get pregnant. It was bittersweet every time.

Once we exhausted all the nonintrusive testing on me, it was time to move onto Jamie. Much to his dissatisfaction Jamie’s semen needed to be tested. He kept stating that he was just fine BUT if I have to go through hell and back to figure out why we can’t get pregnant then surely you can ejaculate into a cup, no? So when push came to shove, he did so. And I’m sure he would like everyone to know he and his semen were just fine. (Actually he probably hates that I’m saying that & the fact that I even mentioned he needed to be tested too but whatever). 

At this point it was about March or April. And everything for both of us was healthy and normal and yet we weren’t pregnant. 

At this point I decided to try some holistic methods of conception as well. So I started going to acupuncture. I would go twice a month. The appointments were dictated by my cycle and my ovulation. This type of acupuncture was specifically geared towards conceiving (not stress or tension relief like you would normally think of why people go to acupuncture).

I continued being monitored by my OB, continued the ovulation testing kit, taking my temperature, and my acupuncture appointments for the next few months. And you guessed it, still nothing. So come June 2019 I told my OB I was ready to go to the next phase of testing/trying to get pregnant. It was a scary decision to make because I knew if this next round didn’t work the only thing left would be IVF. 

So what had to happen now? I needed to take Clomid and do an HSG procedure. This would be planned around my next period (which came at the end of June 2019). 

Clomid is basically a hormone that allows your body to release more than one egg by tricking your body into thinking you’re not producing enough estrogen to release an egg. I may be a little off by that description but that’s how I remember it. You starting taking this on the first day of your period. I forget my dosage but I remember I was to take this starting on day 1 of my period, everyday, through day 5. 

The HSG procedure is a procedure were the OB fills your tubes and uterus with some kind of liquid and uses an internal X-ray to examine your Fallopian tubes and uterus. It’s to insure that your tubes aren’t blocked and everything looks as it’s supposed to. It’s a quick procedure but somewhat uncomfortable (think really really bad menstrual cramps). This is done in the window of time between finishing your period but before you ovulate.

These 2 things don’t necessarily need to be done together but with the timing of it all (and the fact that I was going to leave for Italy soon after) I just decided to do both of them. I got my period late June and started Clomid. My HSG procedure was on July 3rd, 2019 (I remember the date because it was our 3 year wedding anniversary). And I started ovulating a couple days later. At this point we were in Italy and I got pregnant! 

So I’m not sure if it was the Clomid or the HSG or the combo of the two but it worked! I got pregnant the very month we started trying, exactly a year later! 

If you want to know what I was going through in Italy and how I figured out I was pregnant both intuitively and actually READ THIS POST! It’s a good one ;)

I know that there are a lot of women who conceive without trying or very easily when trying. But I now know that for every one of those women there are many more who struggle with fertility. I’m not saying my journey has been the easiest or the hardest but it was one of the hardest journeys I have ever had to endure. And what honestly made it so difficult was the shame I associated with it. Not just as a wife who couldn’t get pregnant but as a woman in general who has always dreamt of being a mom and felt like now I would never have the chance to be. There were so many sleepless nights thinking the worst and so many tears shed.

But all of it, ALL OF IT, was worth it now that I feel the baby growing, thriving and moving inside of me. I know that this is the way it was meant to be and I know that it is all a part of GD’s greater plan for me and my family.  Yet it was so fucking hard to go through it. 

I write this all so that if you’re reading this and struggling you know that you are not alone and eventually it will all work out. That it’s all a part of your life’s plan. I know it doesn’t feel like that while you’re going through it and to be honest I hated when people told me that (especially people who were pregnant or had kids already, and now look at me being that person haha) but it’s true. Don’t give up. Don’t stop believing. And share your journey and your story because I promise you, even the people who have had healthy pregnancies and children, may have struggled too. It’s so much more prevalent than I think we women are made to believe. And I think if we were more open to speaking about it then there would be less stigma, shame and pressure, and ironically, that would probably make it easier to get pregnant. 

So even though this journey has been one of the hardest things I have gone through in life, and one that I never thought I would share, I’ve decided to for the reasons I just stated. 

Until next time! All my love, Neghin